Life here and now.

It has been a day. It has been a week. It has been a while of feeling like life is a bit of a struggle. Mostly dealing with issues with our often-time-strong-willed-girls and mostly still waiting for our house to sell.

It feels like we are on a beach with strong winds, rain, and heavy waves hitting us over and over. It feels calm and we can breathe for a moment but then another wave knocks us down and we are dealing with another long drawn out tantrum or another financial issue.

In the midst of dealing with our girls we are learning a lot. We are learning that we are impatient, unloving, unkind, ungracious, and pretty much every other "un" kind of word you can come up with. We are dealing with sins that we didn't know were hidden way deep down inside of our dark selves until we had these two precious children.

It is ugly around here.

But Jesus is in the middle of making something beautiful out of these two "ugly"parents. Somehow I see through this storm that Jesus loves us so much that he is taking us through these trials with our girls to not only make them have soft hearts and to obey and to learn to love Jesus but he is taking us, me and Shaun through all this to make us more like Jesus. To dig deep down into the ugliest parts of our hearts and clean them out. We didn't even know our hearts were this ugly but He is using our children, our two girls who are a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3), to show us what is in our hearts so our hearts can be dealt with.

Our girls and their tantrums are only a fraction of the issues that we are dealing with. But praise the Lord that he is growing Shaun and me to see that we are really the one's who need the soft hearts and we are the one's who need to learn to obey and we are the one's who need to learn to love Jesus.

And for some reason He hasn't allowed our house to sell. But he is teaching us contentment in our cozy apartment. He is teaching us that He always provides for us. He is teaching us that things are done in his own time. He is teaching us to be faithful with what he has given us. He is teaching us that He does all things for our good and for His glory.

And so we will wait for our house to sell when He is ready and we will try to be faithful parents to these two precious girls that he has given specifically to us.

This morning I went for a little jog and made my way to a really pretty wooded area behind a nearby neighborhood. The weather was perfect: cool with nice dark puffy rain clouds hanging around. Usually I avoid such wooded areas by myself, especially when no one else is around. But I decided to take my chances of being abducted or whatever horrible thing I imagined happening. As I emerged from the woods I realized two very good things had happened. The first thing is that I wasn't abducted in the woods. I felt it a huge success. But the second thing was that as I came out of these dark, slippery, and lonesome woods, the first thing I saw was a rainbow. I immediately knew that the Lord was telling me "I am faithful", "I keep my promises." And in less than a minute the rainbow was gone. He is so good to me to keep showing me that he is with me, with us.

And then I turn around tonight and complain to God that he doesn't talk to me. And yet he has been "talking" to me in so many ways! He showed me the rainbow after coming out of dark woods, he has been showing me some incredible things in the devotional book I have been reading (Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot ~ I highly recommend this book, it is so good). And he has been speaking to me through things on other people's blogs. And he has been speaking to me through what I am learning with our girls. And he has been speaking to me through my conversations with Shaun and with other people. I need to listen better.

So, I have said a lot. If you have even made it this far, I had originally started this blog post just to share an article (below) that I just read and copied from Kelly's Korner blog that I just found very encouraging. I really feel that the Lord is at work in so many ways in my little family right now. I don't know what exactly it is that he is doing but I just want to be faithful in every way he has called me to be. Hopefully someone else will be encouraged as well.

MOTHERHOOD AS A MISSION FIELD
by: Rachel Jankovic


As someone once said, “Everyone wants to save the world, but no one wants to help Mom with the dishes.” When you are a mother at home with your children, the church is not clamoring for monthly ministry updates. When you talk to other believers, there is not any kind of awe about what you are sacrificing for the gospel. People are not pressing you for needs you might have, how they can pray for you. It does not feel intriguing, or glamorous. Your work is normal, because it is as close to home as you can possibly be. You have actually gone so far as to become home.

If you are a Christian woman who loves the Lord, the gospel is important to you. It is easy to become discouraged, thinking that the work you are doing does not matter much. If you were really doing something for Christ you would be out there, somewhere else, doing it. Even if you have a great perspective on your role in the kingdom, it is easy to lose sight of it in the mismatched socks, in the morning sickness, in the dirty dishes. It is easy to confuse intrigue with value, and begin viewing yourself as the least valuable part of the Church.

There are a number of ways in which mothers need to study their own roles, and begin to see them, not as boring and inconsequential, but as home, the headwaters of missions.

At the very heart of the gospel is sacrifice, and there is perhaps no occupation in the world so intrinsically sacrificial as motherhood. Motherhood is a wonderful opportunity to live the gospel. Jim Elliot famously said, “He is no fool who gives up that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Motherhood provides you with an opportunity to lay down the things that you cannot keep on behalf of the people that you cannot lose. They are eternal souls, they are your children, they are your mission field.

If you are like me, then you may be thinking “What did I ever give up for them? A desk job? Time at the gym? Extra spending money? My twenty- year- old figure? Some sleep?” Doesn’t seem like much when you put it next to the work of some of the great missionaries, people who gave their lives for the gospel.

Think about the feeding of the five thousand when the disciples went out and rounded up the food that was available. It wasn’t much. Some loaves. Some fish. Think of some woman pulling her fish out and handing it to one of the disciples. That had to have felt like a small offering. But the important thing about those loaves and those fishes was not how big they were when they were given, it was about whose hands they were given into. In the hands of the Lord, that offering was sufficient. It was more than sufficient. There were leftovers. Given in faith, even a small offering becomes great.

Look at your children in faith, and see how many people will be ministered to by your ministering to them. How many people will your children know in their lives? How many grandchildren are represented in the faces around your table now?

So, if mothers are strategically situated to impact missions so greatly, why do we see so little coming from it? I think the answer to this is quite simple: sin. Discontent, pettiness, selfishness, resentment. Christians often feel like the right thing to do is to be ashamed about what we have. We hear that quote of Jim Elliot’s and think that we ought to sell our homes and move to some place where they need the gospel.

But I’d like to challenge you to look at it differently. Giving up what you cannot keep does not mean giving up your home, or your job so you can go serve somewhere else. It is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.

It is easy to think you have a heart for orphans on the other side of the world, but if you spend your time at home resenting the imposition your children are on you, you do not. You cannot have a heart for the gospel and a fussiness about your life at the same time. You will never make any difference there if you cannot be at peace here. You cannot have a heart for missions, but not for the people around you. A true love of the gospel overflows and overpowers. It will be in everything you do, however drab, however simple, however repetitive.

God loves the little offerings. Given in faith, that plate of PB&J’s will feed thousands. Given in faith, those presents on Christmas morning will bring delight to more children than you can count. Offered with thankfulness, your work at home is only the beginning. Your laundry pile, selflessly tackled daily, will be used in the hands of God to clothe many. Do not think that your work does not matter. In God’s hands, it will be broken, and broken, and broken again, until all who have need of it have eaten and are satisfied. And even then, there will be leftovers.

This came from desiringgod.org