evening light

isn't it amazing how the cast of just the right light or a certain smell or sounds can evoke powerful memories and longings? i went to turn elmo on for lily this evening and the way that the light was coming in the room against our t.v. armoire instantly made me long to be in indianapolis, indiana at my grandma's apartment. she hasn't lived there for a couple of years now. she lives in minnesota with my aunt and uncle but i still longed to be at her apartment. just the other day i walked into my own house and the smell of whatever i was cooking made me think of my grandma's apartment. often the smell of the humid air reminds me of my grandma's.

we used to go there every summer. my mom, my sister, and me. we would go for a good three weeks. my grandparents lived in a small two bedroom apartment, on the corner of the building. as a kid i never noticed just how small their apartment was. the guest bedroom had a trundle bed that my grandma often said was the same bed that my mom and aunt slept on growing up. when the trundle bed was pulled out it came all the way to the dresser. it was a tight squeeze.

they were on the first floor and had a little patio with flowers, my grandmas exercise bike, and a little porch swing. there were also some enormous green bushes to the side of their patio where we would lay our wet towels and swim suits after spending hours at the apartment complex pool. i always asked my grandma why she wouldn't swim with us and where her swim suit was. this is a woman who NEVER wears pants, it's either coulots or skirts and dresses. she probably hadn't worn a swim suit in a good 40 years. i could picture her in one though and i knew she would have great fun in the pool if she would just give it a go. anyway we would swim until we looked like lobsters. of course the pool never opened until 10:00 a.m. which seemed like forever and we were never allowed to go after lunch until all the lunch dishes were washed, and i strongly disliked helping to clean up after lunch.

(this is me and my grandparents after one of our visits, waiting at the airport, back when you could sit and wait with someone in the terminal)

i loved the butterflies hanging on my grandma's walls.i used to love taking a bath at my grandmas and playing with the little people toys she had. i loved watching t.v. in the evenings after we ate white castle hamburgers. we would have chips with a dip my grandma would make: cream cheese blended with milk, a little garlic salt, and chives, mmmmm. with lays potato chips. i also loved going swimming and coming back and having a can of root beer or a vanilla ice cream cone and i'm not even that fond of vanilla ice cream. i loved when my grandpa fell asleep in his black recliner in the afternoon and i would go and kiss him on the cheek to scare him and wake him up. i wish i would of had more time with my grandpa. he passed away 14 years ago so many visits were spent with just my grandma. i loved my grandma's pepper steak and her ham and beans, fresh green beans with new potatoes, fresh sliced tomatoes, and the list goes on. i loved going to church with my grandma and sitting next to her and hearing her sing. sometimes in church now when we sing an old hymn i can hear my grandma singing and i love it. i also loved that she always had gum. i loved how my grandma would put an ice cube in her mouth and when i would go to kiss her cheek she would make the ice cube stick out in her cheek. i loved the way she smelled and how soft her skin was. i loved the evening light that came into my grandma's bedroom and the smell of her perfume in the air. i never liked it that we had to go to evening church AND wear skirts. my mom made us do it, for my grandma. but now i miss it.

all of these memories from one little bit of evening light in my living room.

there were a couple of things i didn't like. the time my grandma spanked me, which she now regrets, and that gives me GREAT satisfaction. and i also never liked the smell of the closet where her hot water heater was. for some reason my sister loved the smell of that closet.

this is a pretty random bunch of paragraphs and there are so many other things i miss. i can't wait to see my grandma in august. for her to see eva and to finally meet lily for the first time. i hope they get the chance to know her and love her even a fraction of the way i know and love her. she is a great woman.